


Wormtail and the Eye of Sauron

by Wolf_of_Lilacs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-08 00:43:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolf_of_Lilacs/pseuds/Wolf_of_Lilacs
Summary: Prompt: A masked Death Eater wakes up still drunk in Borgin and Burkes.





	Wormtail and the Eye of Sauron

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Dark for the title, and to stuffle for the brilliance that is stufflebot.

When Wormtail woke up, he immediately heard the tinkle of breaking glass. “Wha?” He tried to open his eyes, but he could see only darkness. Confused, he reached up, and found that his mask had turned itself around, and the band covered his eyes, which was no mean feat. Death Eater masks were notoriously tight-fitting, but the Dark Lord seemed to go conveniently deaf—on a good day—when anyone brought it up.

“Urgh.” Wormtail tried to stand, but tripped on the hem of his robes and ended up having to crawl in order to escape the cloth caught around his feet. Well, he thought, really shouldn’t have borrowed Malfoy’s extra robe. (Borrowed was a strong word. The Dark Lord had rather peremptorily requested that Malfoy lend Wormtail his extra robe…but Wormtail couldn’t remember why, and trying made him nauseous.)

He smashed into something very solid as he continued to crawl, and his head began to throb in concert with his abused knees.

Wasn’t he a rat or something? He’d been one for years. He could wriggle his way out of here.

How to transform, though. It had something to do with focusing and…

His head swam. The robes and mask were rather comfortable, anyway. Why try to find his way out of them? He lay back down.

“Who the hell are you?” And old man’s reedy voice. Whoever it was kicked Wormtail in the side, then rolled him onto his back. “And you broke the _Eye of Sauron_! Do you know how much I paid for that? It’s ancient!”

“I think you were jipped,” Wormtail mumbled. “That’s just from a book.” Maybe. He’d read something like that once. Sauron had a red eye, like the Dark Lord’s but more terrifying. “Sauron could kick the Dark Lord’s arse. Prongs always said so.” But Prongs was dead, and it was all his fault! He almost started to cry.

“The seller was some Mudblood down on their luck.” The old man paused. “What do you know, anyway? How did you get in here? I locked the door with a blood ritual.” He prodded him again.

Um, a key? The Dark Lord said he’d worked here once, before pushing a key into Wormtail’s hand and throwing up all over his shoes. He couldn’t hold alcohol at all since his return, but no one was about to tell him that. So they’d had a party.

Wormtail groaned. “Stop that. I just wanted to see.”

The old man snorted. “You look a bit trapped to me.”

So Wormtail suddenly remembered how to become a rat, but then got even more tangled as he tried to crawl through one of the sleeves. Bollocks! Then he panicked, because the old fart could step on him.

The sleeve tore as he transformed back. Ha! Lucius was going to kill him.

Oh, he recognized this place, maybe. He sat up, endured the spinning for a moment, then changed his mind and flopped back on top of his robe.

“I want you out of here.” Borgin, still in a dressing gown and slippers, his hair sticking up in all directions, glowered down at him.

“Who you gonna call?” Wormtail squeezed his eyes shut. The light was far too bright. “Not the Aurors.”

Borgin stamped a foot. “Are you _sure_ that _Eye of Sauron_ wasn’t worth something?”

“Just a joke,” Wormtail confirmed. “So please just let me sleep here.”

Borgin sighed. “Fine, but you’d better make it up to me.”

“Ehh, ask me in the morning.” Wormtail fell into blessed, blessed sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Purebloods reading LOTR to be edgy was inspired by [Professor Riddle and the Quest for Tenure](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8706297/1/Professor-Riddle-and-the-Quest-for-Tenure) by Zalgo Jenkins.


End file.
